Having the ability to listen well is an art. We all know people who make you feel like they are totally focused on your every word! And conversely, we also recognize those who are often just faking it. In the classroom, the ability to listen both to teachers and classmates effectively is priceless. And let’s face it, in the world today with so many distractions (earbuds abounding and visual stimulation everywhere), purposeful listening skills are undoubtedly harder to develop.
My advice would be to start honing those skills early and often. When I taught Kindergarten aged boys, we made it a daily practice to help often squirmy (but very cute) five and six-year olds build their ability to focus and listen well. While they are young, these skills can often be fortified with fun games. For example, have your child close their eyes and listen as you drop in a can or glass a certain number of coins (or any small object like nails). Once they make their guess of what they hear, count the objects out together. I have had an entire school assembly just sit in silence and then ask what specific sounds they heard and why. As students mature, it gradually becomes more about the ability to focus in on an individual while listening for nuanced meaning and words. What are they saying? Why are they saying it? What is the intention and purpose? What questions do I have to further my understanding? Again, listening well and with intent is an art form that takes practice.
I read an interesting article in the Harvard Business Review by Guy Itzchakov and Avi Kluger. Please see the link below to the review the full article and a few highlights are also listed.
Why Leaders Need To Speak Less and Listen More
Highlights from the article below:
Tips for becoming a better listener
Listening resembles a muscle. It requires training, persistence, effort, and most importantly, the intention to become a good listener. It requires clearing your mind from internal and external noise — and if this isn’t possible, postponing a conversation for when you can truly listen without being distracted. Here are some best practices:
Give 100% of your attention, or do not listen. Put aside your smartphone, iPad, or laptop, and look at the speaker, even if they do not look back at you. In an ordinary conversation, a speaker looks at you occasionally to see that you’re still listening. Constant eye contact lets the speaker feel that you are listening.
Do not interrupt. Resist the urge to interrupt before the speaker indicates that they are done for the moment. In our workshop, we give managers the following instruction: “Go to someone at your work who makes listening very hard on you. Let them know that you are learning and practicing listening and that today, you will only listen for __ minutes (where the blank could be 3, 5, or even 10 minutes), and delay responding until the predetermined listening time is up, or even until the following day.”
The managers are often amazed at their discoveries. One shared, “in 6 minutes, we completed a transaction that otherwise would have taken more than an hour”; another told us; “the other person shared things with me that I had prevented her from saying for 18 years.”
Do not judge or evaluate. Listen without jumping to conclusions and interpreting what you hear. You may notice your judgmental thoughts but push them aside. If you notice that you lost track of the conversation due to your judgments, apologize to the speaker that your mind was distracted, and ask them to repeat. Do not pretend to listen.
Do not impose your solutions. The role of the listener is to help the speaker draw up a solution themselves. Therefore, when listening to a fellow colleague or subordinate, refrain from suggesting solutions. If you believe you have a good solution and feel an urge to share it, use a question, such as “I wonder what will happen if you choose to do X?”
Ask more (good) questions. Listeners shape conversations by asking questions that benefit the speaker. Good listening requires being thoughtful about what the speaker needs help with most and crafting a question that would lead the speaker to search for an answer. Ask questions to help someone delve deeper into their thoughts and experiences.
Before you ask a question, ask yourself, “is this question intended to benefit the speaker or satisfy my curiosity?” Of course, there is room for both, but a good listener prioritizes the needs of the other. One of the best questions you can ask is, “Is there anything else?” This often exposes novel information and unexpected opportunities.
Reflect. When you finish a conversation, reflect on your listening and think about missed opportunities — moments you ignored potential leads or remained silent versus asking questions. When you feel that you were an excellent listener, consider what you gained, and how you can apply this type of listening in more challenging circumstances.
Love all of these tips on how we can become better listeners! And see the value and how we can encourage our students to practice and hone their own listening skills.
Have a good week at school!
Laine